Last week one of the students (Bob) that comes into our
class during reading poked another student (Joe) with his pencil. Joe was fine
and never complained to the teacher about this situation, even though many of
the students still frequently tattle on others. However, Monday morning my
mentor teacher had received an email from the parent saying that the other
student assaulted Joe, and that Bob’s behavior could be considered violent
bullying. She explained how she thought it was unacceptable “heathen” behavior,
and that she would like the teacher to make sure that Bob would stay at least
3-6 feet away from her child for the rest of the year.
I know that
there are parents who have reactions like this, and this is a reality of being
a teacher. My mentor teacher responded to the parent in a professional manner,
talked to both of the students individually, and made sure that the
administration was informed of the incident/parent response so that they were
aware of the situation. I know that in my first teaching job, this would have
made me feel very uncomfortable. I know that parents are going to question the
way I handle my classroom, but I am still wondering how to prepare myself for those
situations.
Yup! I feel like this happens all of the time. And it becomes some sort of "he said, she said," situation where you always take the student's word no matter how ridiculous/ untrue. My mentor teacher has taught me that it is beneficial to always be extra careful about what is said no matter what, just incase there are consequences. Before I came, she had a problem with a student that was constantly going home and telling their parents that she was being mean to him or telling him things that were never said at all. It ended up that he was moved from her room to another class. This teaches me to always be safe rather than sorry!
ReplyDeleteI feel ya! Honestly, I think that dealing with parents is one of those things that we won’t perfect until we have experience interacting with them on our own and until we learn from a few mistakes. I think the most important thing, though, is being confident in decisions in situations like the one Heather mentioned, but also demonstrating genuine care about the needs of individual students and parents during those interactions. Even when parents are being aggressive, “helicoptering” or acting unreasonable, they only have their children’s best interests in mind.
ReplyDeleteI got to observe my field mentor in a parent conference with a teacher that was clearly unhappy with her. My teacher had written, “Careless mistake!!” on the top of one of our student’s tests, and that student’s mother got very upset and said that the comment was aggressive and unwarranted. During the conference, my teacher stood her ground and explained the situation and the background to the story, all the while pulling in specific comments about that student to demonstrate how well she knows her, both personally and academically. Although she stood her ground in this way to demonstrate her authority as a teacher, she also allowed the mother to explain her side and responded appropriately to each and every one of her concerns. This way, my field mentor helped to make the parent feel more comfortable by demonstrating genuine interest and responsiveness to the parent’s needs while not letting the parent run the classroom or school.
Oh boy. Heather, I definitely have had experiences like that, but that is such an extreme parent reaction! It's hard when the students don't make a big deal of something in the classroom, but then note it to their parents and it instantly becomes a much bigger ordeal. I definitely agree with Dana that over half of the conflicts in my first-grade classroom come down to "he said"/"she said," and it's hard to know where to go from there when you aren't sure who is being more honest with you. I had a similar incident yesterday with a student who told me another student made a comment about the color of her skin. I asked the student in question and he denied it, but agreed to apologize. Neither gave a perfectly clear story and no students sitting near them were able to recall the incident. Both students moved on after the apology, but the parent of the girl emailed my teacher and was angry she hadn't been informed. Of course I had told my MT right after it had happened, but her policy is not to mention other students to parents unless someone was injured. It is always very difficult to manage parent situations, but I agree with Mary-Lloyd's observations–– always hear the parent out and be responsive and polite. It's only harder when they're working against you! I have learned so much about parent interactions from both placements and how much of a part of teaching they are.
ReplyDeleteI think dealing with parents is such a touchy situation. You have parents, on one hand, who are like this. Everything is exaggerated and escalates so quickly. They come into the school, send emails, and make phone calls when nothing really happened. But on the other hand, you have parents who just don't care. I had a student the other day who sat in the nurse's office for three hours, because his mother hadn't supplied the school with a valid phone number. The kid had a fever of 102 and a rash and had to sit in there for three hours. So not okay.
ReplyDeleteI think we are going to learn a lot about handling parents in our first years on our own. I think we just have to be respectful and kind to all parents so that we don't create problems for ourselves that are going to haunt us all year long.