Does anyone else have just some STORIES?
I have a student with a para in my class, so her mother writes in a journal every evening that comes back to school with the student to let the para know what's been going on at home. Today the journal told Ms. Crystal about the student's weekend. In the notes, the mother said the students weekend was "fu**ing crazy.... muwahahahaha." ??? I don't understand. What do you even do with that? We decided to just ignore the comment and stick strictly to business as usual in the entries back to the mother, but what in the world?? This mother writes things to that tune often. She also sends her child to school dirty and sick, which is so difficult to see when her child has a severe disability and relies on this mother completely to take care of her. It is hard to strike a note of professionalism and grace in situations like this. How do you find the compassion? What do you say when they come in for a parent-teacher conference?
In other news, my classroom is currently having an outbreak of ringworm, which is making the parents of my students exceedingly happy as you can imagine. We found the first spot when one child leaned over and there was a giant baseball sized patch of it on her back. When we asked her if it itched or if she knew what was on her back, she immediately said, "Oh, my mommy says it's ringworm!" Another kiddo then pulled up his shirt sleeve and said, "Oh! I have some too!!" Y'all. We sent them both to the office and parents were called. The parents tried to pretend like they had no idea, but when the lovely ladies in the office said that their kids had essentially ratted them out, the parents finally agreed to come and pick up their kids and take them to the doctor. My classroom is getting deep cleaned tonight because we've now had 5 confirmed cases. How do you tell a parent gently but FIRMLY that they cannot send their child to school with ringworm? These things are so sensitive. Parents love their children so dearly, but sometimes take care of them in a way that is so different than I might take care of my own babies. How do we strike a balance between firm, friendly, and accommodating?
In my classroom we have a similar problem. We have one student who is identified as Developmentally delayed. He has no control of his digestive system and often has accidents. He comes into school often, with dirty clothes on and accidents that have been on him since the day before. Ms. Holbrook, the special education teacher, and I all have had countless discussions on how to handle this parent. They have spoken to her multiple times, and have made conferences including the principal. The mom doesn't want help. We have offered counseling for her children and the special education teacher has given countless recommendations and ideas.
ReplyDeleteWe decided as a group just to keep trying. Although it is impossible at times to keep your cool with parents remember it is important to think about the child. I get it, the parent isn't easy but you need to kill them with kindness. We are sending home notes and ideas for parenting her child. We are sending information on being developmentally delayed and how to work with a child that are labeled as so. We are making sure he has a change of clothes at school. The communication with this parent is consistent. It doesn’t hurt to send things home. Yes, she might just throw it out, or get angry but again remember the child and what they need.
Similarly we have a new child which parent involvement is to a point that they bring him lunch everyday. He has a behavior problem, and is very immature. He just moved here. All week we have been having drama with this student. The mom coming in to complain, the mom writing notes, the mom requesting a conference etc….. My teacher was ready to lose it! Today we found out that his dad is dangerous and that they moved to Nashville to hide from him. He has been arrested and is labeled armed and dangerous in the state of Florida. Suddenly the parenting style sort of made sense. She has spent the last 7 years protecting this student, and even though it is not exactly right what she does and says, she just wants to keep protecting him. It took three weeks for us to get that information. Three weeks of drama and notes and principal interaction. Three weeks of tears, and confusion. Three weeks of parent phone calls and notes every night.
You don’t know every parent’s story and you never will. Some are an open book, others will never say a word or even speak to you. Reach out to parents. Start that dialogue. Get their story and try to understand. Set up times to conference, keep a newsletter to send home each week, check in every now and again, and just keep trying to make that connection. Once that connection is there, those harder conversation get a little easier, like what to do when your child has ring worm. Understand a lot of times these parents are just doing what they can.
Wow! I cannot believe you have ring worm!
ReplyDeleteI find that some of my students come in with noticebly dirty clothing. It makes me sad to think that some parents would sent their children in with such dirty clothes.
Additionally, we have one student whose mom comes in everyday before lunch, walks with them to the lunch room, eats with her and walks her back. I truly do not understand this. At my elementary school, there are no parents allowed to just come to into the classroom or lunch room for any reason unless it was planned ahead of time. Surprisingly, I do not hear other students complaining about the fact that their parents are not there too. However, I do think that it is disruptive, especially when we are waiting quietly outside the door to walk to the classroom. Also, I think the child needs to learn to separate at some point! I really strongly believe that there should be some sort of rule about this in the school.
Another point I want to make is to not be afraid to include the administration whenever you have problems with a parent. My mentor teacher has a student whose mom spent a great deal of the year attacking everything she has sent home. She would write mean notes in response, tear up important forms, and even send uninvited harassing e-mails. She hates Common Core and thinks that my teacher is teaching her daughter irrelevant information. She has often taught her daughter how to solve her homework incorrectly, getting mad when my mentor teacher politely sent her example solutions. It even got so bad that my teacher started to believe that this parent was attacking her because of her race. She prompting got the administration involved and is encouraged to cc all of her correspondence with this parent to the assistant principal. Now, my teacher keeps tabs on everything the mom sends to school so that she has evidence from every interaction they share. If you have a troublesome parent, be patient with them but also keep stock of what they say. If a social worker or administrator gets involved later on, you need to be able to give them the entire objective story.
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